Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Pre-owned babies for sale

Pro life activists have been marching once again in their annual round of protest against Roe vs. Wade and those who believe women should have a choice as to what to do with their own bodies. This time, the mood has been quite different though as Mr. Little Tree has been directly offering moral support in the form of "we will prevail" speeches and what not. With judge hALITOsis about to give America his own form of tooth decaying freshness, as his approval seems imminent, the pro lifers have been patting each other on the back over their grand victory in favor of what they now call the pre-born.

Seeing as that seems to be their new slogan, "Justice for all – Born and Pre-born," utilizing the whole pre-owned, pre-played concept, I've decided here to propose a new slogan for the Pro-choice movement to counteract this "bible toting" (and unfortunately not bible reading) gang of overzealous religious freaks led by their newborn prophet who's as Christian as Hitler was Jewish. It's "To protect the pre-born, you must buy pre-owned." With this new slogan goes a new proposition, sort of a middle ground between both camps. It’s very simple.

The pro-choicers can continue to go to their abortion clinic, but instead of having an abortion, they will inscribe in a pro-life, pre-owned baby list. This matches their pre-born baby automatically with a pro-life member, who will in turn pay for and care for the pre-born baby in question, once he or she becomes a pre-owned one, as well as a fee for the arduous task of carrying the pre-born life to term (i.e. the $10,390 adoption credit per child from your tax form plus all birth and term year costs plus an additional 40% of that for the emotional distress). This would compensate pro-choice advocates for their sacrifice, and satiate the pro-life camp's desire for pre-born babies to become pre-owned.

In considering this resolution to the problem, I forgot to consider the amount of pre-owned children that are still waiting for an owner in the U.S. and around the world. Well, all pro-life advocates must now take responsibility and put their money where their march is in this as well, by entering a matching lottery system that will match an advocate with an orphaned or homeless child ending any and all need for orphanages and homeless shelters for children. This would not only save the children, but save the nation as well, transferring the millions of dollars currently spent on this issue to a more important issue: protecting the burning bush and the incredibly "pro-life" and "Christian" message of death around the world. Their post plan slogan: "Fuck with our oil, we'll pre-kick your ass."

Final Note: If you truly want to be pro-life, be anti-war, anti-violence of any kind, anti-abuse, anti-pre-emptive strikes, etc. etc. If you truly want to stop abortion, then promote safe sex, give your kids depo-provera injections, or condoms. Educate the masses and abortions will only be necessary under circumstances such as rape and what not. Love the born more than the unborn, and more will wish to bring the children into the world instead of fearing it. Abortion should be in the hands of educated men and women, as an educated and legal decision, not as a backwoods, medieval, dangerous proposition bred of ignorance and fear. This is why it became legal, and things haven't changed any since then.

In summary, a well placed condom can save a life, so, pro-lifers, how 'bout giving them out at your next rally? :)

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